I am not deaf or hard of hearing, and I do not have a close friend or family member in the Deaf community. But early on when thinking about my characters, I knew Toby would be hard of hearing, have cochlear implants, and use ASL and his voice to communicate. So, I knew I had to learn about the Deaf experience to write Toby in an authentic way.

Disclaimer: This blog post is about my experience with writing a Deaf character as a hearing person, and what I have learned about being d/Deaf. I am not an expert, and I am not a member of this community, so I do apologize if anything is inaccurate.

Background
When I first had the idea that Toby would be deaf, I imagined him to be a flawless speaker and immaculate lip-reader. So good that no one could tell he was deaf. “He’s deaf, but you can’t tell,” I thought. Then I realized that is not realistic and also super boring. He will be disabled, but it won’t affect him at all? Yeah, no… His disability is a part of him as much as him being a bookworm or being a triplet. It was a piece of his identity that I knew I had to treat with care. I began to do research and learn about American Sign Language (ASL) and Deaf culture so I could write a believable and multi-faceted deaf character.

And before we go any further, I want to define deaf, Deaf, and hard of hearing, since it’s something I had to learn.

The terms ‘deaf’ and ‘hard of hearing’ are medical terms. Deaf with a lowercase ‘d’ is used by audiologists and physicians to diagnose someone with total and/or profound hearing loss, while hard of hearing is used to diagnose someone with partial or incomplete hearing loss. And Deaf with a capitol ‘D’ refers to being a part of Deaf culture or community.

For example, I determined that Toby is hard of hearing because he does have some functional hearing left and he is a part of the Deaf community because he has friends who are Deaf, he went to a school for the Deaf and hard of hearing, he loves ASL and utilizes it to communicate, and he loves other things about Deaf culture.

Articles for reference: https://signhealth.org.uk/resources/learn-about-deafness/deaf-or-deaf/
https://deafservicesunlimited.com/understanding-terminology-in-deaf-culture/
https://www.nad.org/resources/american-sign-language/community-and-culture-frequently-asked-questions

Sidenote: I have heard that the term ‘hearing impaired’ is outdated and offensive. Therefore, I did not use the term in the book.

Cochlear Impants
Also, I decided that Toby would have cochlear implants so that he could more easily interact with his hearing family and the world in general. This is something that I did not mention in the book, but I consider it canon: Mr. and Mrs. Remmington debated getting Toby cochlear implants. Mr. Remmington wanted Toby to get cochlear implants as a toddler because he saw it as a tool that would help Toby and allow him to interact with others easier. Mrs. Remmington wanted to embrace Toby’s diagnosis and wanted the family to learn ASL to communicate with him. Ultimately, the parents and siblings all learned ASL when the triplets were little and later, they decided to have Toby get cochlear implants.  

I first learned about cochlear implants from an episode of Scientific American Frontiers with Alan Alda. As I mention in the book, it does not ‘fix’ your hearing. From my understanding, a cochlear implant is a device that sends signals to your brain to interpret sound waves. It takes lots of practice and speech therapy to train your brain to make sense of the sounds. There are negatives and positives to cochlear impants, just like anything in life.

Information on cochlear implants: https://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/cochlear-implants
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cochlear-implants/about/pac-20385021
I watched this video about different people’s experience with cochlears: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY4G9mgHKQs

Now let’s get to the fun stuff! To learn about Deaf culture, I watched a lot of content, which is probably the best way to learn since ASL is a visual language!

Some of the media I watched/read:

• Deaf U– Netflix reality docu-series set at Galludet University (a University for deaf and hard of hearing students) following several types of Deaf students including those who were born into Deaf families, those who were born into hearing families, those who exclusively use ASL, and those who use ASL in addition to speaking. I liked how we got to learn about some of the nuances of being Deaf from a variety of peoples and experiences and different aspects of Deaf culture. Deaf U brings up things you probably don’t think about as a hearing person. I love how proud they are of their culture, as they should be! I wanted Toby to have friends who were Deaf and be part of that culture. Nyle DiMarco is a producer, and he was one of my first exposures to Deaf culture.
• I watched a lot of YouTube videos, including:
  • Chrissy with a C/Chrissy Marshall- a deaf woman who made informative videos years ago and now mainly does song covers in ASL (I remember watching this video in particular)
  • Sign Duo- a deaf and hearing couple that met in high school; I watched videos to learn about ASL, Deaf culture and what it’s like to be in a hearing/deaf relationship, especially in high school https://www.youtube.com/@SignDuoChannel
  • Our Signed World, a deaf and hearing couple with 2 children; I also watched them to learn about navigating a hearing/deaf relationship https://www.youtube.com/@OurSignedWorld
  • Signed with Heart- a deaf woman, I mostly watched videos of her talking about grouping up with hearing parents and siblings, touring a school for the Deaf, and being Christian: https://www.youtube.com/@signedwithheart,
  • Jazzy- a British Deaf woman who uses British Sign Language; I watched her videos about Deaf culture https://www.youtube.com/@JazzyWhipps
• Switched at Birth– I watched this ABC Family (now Freeform) show years ago about a hearing girl and a deaf girl who were switched at birth. The characters have to navigate the new dynamic as they blend families and learn about each other. I only watched a few episodes, but it helped to inform and inspire me. I saw that Daphne had cochlear implants, used her voice and sign language, and she went to a school for the Deaf. A lot of the characters speak and sign simultaneously because of the mix of hearing and deaf audiences, which I found cool. That is how I picture the Remmingtons communicating a lot of the time.
• True Biz by Sara Novic: https://sara-novic.com/true-biz. This book is excellent and covers a lot of topics about being deaf including deaf education, the ethics of cochlear implants, having a hearing family, being a CODA, socio-economic differences, etc. I reviewed this book a year ago on my blog, so you can click here for a more in-depth review. I recommend reading it because I think it’s a unique book that fills a gap in the market. It opened my eyes to the downsides of cochlears.
• ASL dictionary- I used this to double check ASL signs – https://www.signingsavvy.com/

Fun fact: Some of Toby’s character is loosely based on Nyle DiMarco, the Deaf winner of America’s Next Top Model and Dancing with the Starts. He is incredibly handsome! I pictured Toby with dark hair, light eyes, and a chiseled jaw because of Nyle. I do recommend watching Nyle’s content. He is truly part of the Deaf culture, and it is fascinating to hear his story!

Disability and Faith
I also wanted to learn about Deaf Catholic culture, wondering how being deaf would affect your ability to understand the faith, interact with others, and engage in Mass and the Sacraments. 

I discovered the ASL Youcat. I read articles about deaf priests—there have only been a few, but it’s not impossible to be deaf and be a priest. My mom recently sent me a video about a deaf priest in Maryland. Washington DC has the largest Deaf community in the United States. Galludet University, which is located in Washington DC, has a Catholic Student Center. There are deaf ministries in most diocese in the US, which offer ASL interpreters for Mass, Bible studies, social events, and more. My friend went to a Mass in Pittsburgh where the congregation did not stand during the Mass so as to not block the view of the ASL interpreters. I have been to Mass in St. Louis where there was an ASL interpreter, Our Lady of Sorrows. Toby interacts with his faith in a unique way because of his disability, and I hope I captured some of it in my book.

Confession when deaf: https://resources.catholicaoc.org/respect-life-blog/a-silent-yet-profound-encounter-the-deaf-and-the-sacrament-of-reconciliation
Deaf priest in Maryland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUCdURQwFf8
Deaf priest at Galludet: https://www.cathstan.org/local/deaf-priest-begins-serving-as-chaplain-at-gallaudet-university-and-ministering-to-deaf-catholics-in-the-archdiocese-of-washington

I am definitely no expert and I am still learning, so if you have any helpful resources, please send them my way.